Category Archives: suspense

Short Story for Critique 012: My Strange Boss by Blaise Ezeokeke

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group and the twelfth story on this blog. This 2,419-word piece is by Blaise Ezeokeke.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this story and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

I do have some feedback but I’ve just included it (below the story) as links to the scans of my handwritten-notes so I can let others comment here without being influenced by me. 🙂

Blaise has asked, “I would love to be shown my areas of weakness. I would like to know how to create a better suspense and ending for the story.

*

My Strange Boss

I had worked for my boss for six months, yet everything about her remained strange to me. She went to office at exactly 7 am and left at exactly 7 pm, the gate keeper said. That’s an hour before we came and an hour after we had left. What I found most strange though, was the way she treated me. I’d been sure other staffs gossiped of the preferential treatment I received.  A typical day at our advertising agency went this way.

“Dimma. Please come.” Her mild feminine voice would mellow over the intercom. “I have work for you”.

“Yes, ma”. I would say.

She would then pick a file from among those sprawled carelessly all over her desk and say how she believed I could handle the project perfectly. All the time, touching the tip of her flat nose with her upper lip, giving a little smirk and showing deep dimples. Strange. To be honest, my boss looked beautiful for a fifty-three year old. Her dimples would show more and her smiles bolder, when she would remark that I should have supplemented my breakfast with more fibre.

“It is a good source of calories”, she would say, her upper lip touching the tip of her nose, glancing at pictures, drawings and documents in her hands. On average, she spent thirty minutes giving me a project to work on each day.

Two hours later, she would call again. This time she would want to know what I thought about this or that. It could be a completed commercial, a clip from an on-going shooting, her hair, her blouse or even items in her office. She would chatter on, about how this commercial was the defining moment of her entrepreneurial career and how the cleaner had never been absent in the last four years. One thing, she was always positive. She was the kind that sees only the good in people. “There’s a silver lining in every cloud” she always said. This session would last two hours.

After about another two hours, she would call me again. This time she would ask someone else to take over my project. That way, my boss would have three sessions of aimless conversation with me each day. Or rather, aimless speech, because she never let me put in a word. She would simply chatter on excitedly, like a little girl promised lollipop.  Of course I couldn’t complete the project; never completed any in the last six months. Yet, I received more benefits than any other staff. She even got me an apartment; paid-in-full and furnished. Seriously.

Continue reading